


Two Beards are better than one

by GhostofaPigeon



Series: Two Beards are better than one [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bars and Pubs, Beards (Relationships), Carnival, Depression, Emotionally Repressed, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, I'm Sorry, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Richie Tozier's Trashmouth, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22996873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostofaPigeon/pseuds/GhostofaPigeon
Summary: A crossover fic between Stranger Things and It, Two beards are better than one tells the story of Richie Tozier who has been living with his "girlfriend" Robin Buckley since he returned from Derry. They seem like the average couple, always bickering and gushing at eachother so you would never guess that they aren't actually dating. A favor that turns into a sexuality cover up for the both of them seems pretty easy until the Losers come down for one of Richie's shows.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, Robin Buckley/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Two Beards are better than one [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652692
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	1. Buckley and Tozier

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline takes place so that Richie and the rest of the Losers were Robin and Steve's age when Season 3 of Stranger Things took place. They are older then The Campaign (Stranger Things main group) and met because Mike Hanlon told them about Hawkins and the conspiracies.

It was around 8:00 in the morning. The bright light peaked through the curtains which caused an irritating glow to sting Richie's face. He grumbled, hesitantly sitting up from bed before rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Robin, I thought it was your turn to close the blinds." 

He felt the bed shift as someone to the other side of the mattress moved. There was a high pitched noise, one that sounded almost like a whine as the woman next to him woke up. "Forgot to, I was out with Steve all night" she said. Her words were slurrred and minimal, usually the case with Robin, she wasn't much of a morning person. 

"Oh right, how was it? Does he still refuse to cut the hair? I'm pretty sure he only keeps it because he knows it's the only reason he still gets ladies" Richie said, laughing lazily as he threw his legs over the side of the bed and tried got up. 

Robin yawned. "Yeah, you're one to talk. You still won't cut you're hair. It's like you're emotionally attached to it or something." 

"I'll cut my hair as soon as you start liking men" he grinned 

"Drop dead" 

"Only for you sweet heart" 

\- - - 

Since Richie was a famous comedian, which Robin always disagreed with, the public was often enthralled with his life, specifically his romantic life. The thing was, Richie didn't think he was ready to announce his sexuality. Years off repression and trauma made him build a wall that even he didn't know how to break. 

Although, there was one thing that kept the press out of his love life and kept his dirty secret hidden from the rest of the world and she just so happened to be nursing a coffee on the stool across from him. Robin was a lesbian herself and though she wasn't as afraid to come out as he was she still wasn't sure about how accepting the world would be. 

They had made a plan several years prior, they would "date" eachother to keep both of their sexuality's a secret. Robin was his beard and he was her's. It was a fair deal, he had owed her since the summer he went to their town and helped her and her friends take down a monster. It was no big deal, just your every day summer experience. 

"So, how are things going back in Hawkins?" Richie asked, trying to start conversation. 

Robin shrugged. "Well Steve said Will got a job." 

"Oh yeah? I was talking to the little punk the other day, apperently that's not the only thing he got" 

"Okay, alright. Will got a boyfriend. Man, I wish I was as brave as that kid" Robin sighed, running her hand through her hair. 

Richie nodded "Yeah, you will be. I'm sure eventually we won't have to hide anymore" It was false hope, he knew that. He wasn't even sure if he believed what he was saying.

Robin smiled, appreciating the support. "Oh, Steve wanted me to tell you that he's going to your show next week."

"Oh really? I'll make sure to throw in a bunch of jokes about him in my act." 

"Hey, don't be too mean. He just broke up with his girlfriend" 

"Again! God damn! That man goes through girlfriends like he goes through hair products" 

Robin almost spit out her coffee. "That- That was a good one" 

"Yeah, I know. That's why I become a comedian, boy wonder" Richie quipped. 

Robin shook her head vigorously. "How did your friends put up with you? Hey, speaking of your friends, when am I gonna meet them? I've heard so much about them, especially-" 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Geez, they're gonna be at the show-"

It was Robin's turn to cut Richie off. "They are!? Tozier, Tozier, Tozier, I'm so excited. Why didn't you tell me sooner???? " 

"Bill just called me last night, said he was gonna fly down tommorow."

"Well is he bringing Audra?" 

"No, she got another acting gig but I sent her your regards" Richie smirked, mimicing a kissing face

"Richard Elizabeth Tozier, there is only one woman for me and you know that" Robin huffed, crossing her arms 

Richie scoffed "Oh yeah? Miss Thompson is it? The one who sings like a muppet-"

"Have you been spending time with Steve behind my back??"

"That's not the point, the point is she isn't good for you. Honey, if she really loved you she wouldn't be sleeping with the first guy she saw. She was head over heels for Harrington in High School and she's head over heels for him now."

"You didn't go to the same high school as me, what do you know about her?" She asked, getting a little offended on Tammy's behalf.

Richie raises his hands in surrender. "All I'm saying is you deserve better. Someone lovely woman who actually cares about you" 

Robin sighed "Yeah, well what about you? You shouldn't be giving me advice on pining over something that's never gonna happen" 

Richie rolled his eyes. "Pffft, yeah I think you had too many drinks last night." He said, brushing off what she had said before changing the subject. "So how about we go on a date night tonight? We can go to that bar you like" 

"Mmm, fine but we're calling an Uber because there is no way either of us are going to stay sober" 

"Deal"

\- -

The next day, the day before his show, Richie was woken up again at an "obscene" time but this time it was to a loud pounding at the door. 

"Ughhh, you get it-" Robin slurred as she covered her ears with the pillow. 

Richie grumbled but got up anyway, stretching as he walked to the front door. 

He opened the door "Yeah, who is it-"

"H-hey Richie!" Someone said. 

Richie rubbed his eyes a couple times to make sure he was seeing correctly. Maybe it was because he had left his glasses but he could have sworn he saw seven people standing in front of his door.

"What the- You guys do realize it's like 6:00 in the morning?" 

"It's almost noon, asshole" someone quipped from the back. 

"Yeah, well maybe your timezone is wrong" 

"W-we all got h-here a few h-hours ago. We d-d-d-" 

"We dropped our stuff off at the hotel and thought it would be nice to come visit you" Mike helped, walking towards the front of the group and putting a reassuring hand on Bill's shoulder 

"Richie, I swear if you're trying to scare away another door to door salesman you're gonna have to be really flamboy- Oh shit" Robin said, mumbling the last part. "Hey! You must be our new neighbors! Yeah, we were going to come over and-"

"Oh, no they aren't the neighbors" Richie laughed nervously. "These are my friends, the ones I was telling you about-" 

"Oh my gosh! This is them??? This is the Losers Club? Which one is-"

"Yes! These are the Losers, now you've met. Well, it's been great seeing you guys but me and Robin are a little busy right now-"

"Oh, nonsense. Why don't you invite your friends in? I haven't even formally introduced myself."

Richie smiled awkwardly "Could you just give me and Robin a minute?" He excused himself before walking back inside the house with Robin, closing the door before looking back at her.

"What are you doing?" He asked 

"Well I'm trying to be a good girlfriend and get to know your friends" Robin argued, seeming clearly annoyed. 

"Well it seems like you're trying to out me-"

"Hey! I know what Connor did to you when you were a kid but I'm not Connor, I wouldn't do that to you! You need to trust me, okay." 

Richie sighed "Yeah, yeah I guess. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions I-"

"Alright just shut up, your friends are gonna get tired from standing outside for so long." 

Richie smiled, reaching for the doorknob before Robin tapped him on the shoulder.

"I do have one question, about the red-head". 

"Straight, straight, straight" Richie whispered as he opened the door. 

Robin looked at him and smirked. "Yeah? So are-"

"Her husband is standing right next to her, dumbass. I wouldn't recommend making any moves" Richie continued before looking back at his friends. "Sorry, for the delay. Why don't you guys come inside? You can meet my lovely girlfriend"


	2. R + E (But not the one you're thinking of)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Richard Elizabeth Tozier, are you lying to me?" 
> 
> "Did you just middle name me?-"
> 
> "Don't change the subject. We are going down there and you are introducing me to your friends, properly this time so we aren't just staring at each other for another hour" 
> 
> Richie groaned, slouching dramatically as he rolled his eyes. "But Mom" 
> 
> Robin chuckled. "Okay, okay. Come on, let's go"

\- -   
"It sounds like you two have quite a history together," Patty said from her spot on the couch next to her husband. 

"Yep, Richie and I are like two peas in a pod," Robin said as she held onto Richie's arms lovingly but the public display of affection with a man made her want to gag. 

"So when should we expect a wedding?" Ben chimed in from his spot over at the counter. 

"T-the w-wedding?" Richie stuttered 

"Jesus T-trashmouth. You're s-s-starting to sound like m-me" Bill laughed. 

"Oh, yeah. I'm just waiting for old Tozier over here to ask." Robin intervened. Guess that improv class came in handy. 

"I think Robin Tozier has got a nice ring to it" Mike commented from his spot on the couch. 

Richie brushed off the comment, looking at Ben "Okay, well what about you Mr. Hanscom? When is it going to be Beverly Hanscom?" 

Ben visibly blushed and Beverly was left a laughing mess at his side, tearing up as she clutched her gut and doubled over. "What makes you think his name wouldn't be Ben Marsh?" She asked after she had calmed down just a little. 

"That's too much traumatic baggage for you sweetheart.” Richie said before turning back to Ben “Answer the question Benny-boy, the world must know!" 

"Actually-" Bill started but was interrupted by a loud yelling coming from upstairs. 

Richie winced. "Oh no, I knew I forgot to tell him something" 

Eddie came running down the stairs with his polo covering his nose. He glared at Richie before pulling the polo down. "There is a dog! There is a dog upstairs!" 

Robin laughed, looking over Richie. "How did you forget to tell him about Tobias? You talk about that dog too often to forget him"

"Why didn't you tell me you had a dog??? Richie, you know I'm allergic and if that dog comes anywhere near me I could realistically die!" Eddie ranted 

Richie rolled his eyes and smiled, looking over at Bill who seemed very amused. 

"Oh my gosh, you're allergic to Dogs?" Robin asked. She was clearly concerned but Richie just shook his head. "No, he's not. It's just-" 

Little paw pads interrupted his train of thought as they were heard scuffling down the stairs followed by a small Chihuahua that had stopped at the end of the staircase. He looked over at Eddie, growling before scampering on over to Richie. 

"That little devil" Eddie hissed as he glared at the Chihuahua. 

"Oi? What has Tobias ever done to you?" Richie asked as he doubled over and pet the dog gently 

Eddie pulled the polo up to cover his face again. "His existence could kill met" he said

"That was the same thing you used to say about Richie and yet here you are" Stanley commented, earning him an amused nudge from Patty. 

"Well now that you're done examining the amount of hand sanitizer in my bathroom-" 

"Actually, I was checking to see if you had any antibacterial spray in your bathroom.”

"Why are you checking for antibacterial sp- No, you know what I'm not even gonna question it. You probably read about some new disease on one of those stupid mom-blogs you keep reading" 

Eddie opened his mouth to say something but shook his head instead. 

Richie looked over at Robin, his expression changing from amused to puzzled as he noticed the cocky smirk she had as if she had just figured something out.

Before Richie could reply, Robin had grabbed his wrist and dragged him upstairs leaving the group perplexed and confused yet conversation carried on. 

"What's up?" Richie asked as he pulled his arm away and crossed them tightly against his chest.

"It's the short one isn't it?" 

“They’re all short compared to me- that’s besides the point. What are you talking about?” 

"Don't play dumb Richie. I saw the way you were looking at him when he ran down the stairs! That’s the guy you won’t shut up about isn’t it?” Robin swooned, making kissy faces at Richie. 

“What??? Eddie? Are you out of your mind? You think i’m in love with Eddie?”

Robin crossed her arms and glared at him. “Remember that time we were talking about our crushes and I told you about Tammy Thompson?”

“Of course I remember that but I don’t remember giving you any names?”

“You didn’t but you mentioned that the guy was a germaphobe or something like that and the only reason someone would check a bathroom for antibacterial spray or read mom blogs on diseases is if they were a hypochondriac.”

Richie shook his head. "That could be literally anyone else. There’s a lot more germaphobes than just him”

Robin raised a brow and looked up at Richie with a questioning stare. 

"Richard Elizabeth Tozier, are you lying to me?" 

"Did you just middle name me?-"

"Don't change the subject. We are going down there and you are introducing me to your friends, properly this time so we aren't just staring at each other for another hour" 

Richie groaned, slouching dramatically as he rolled his eyes. "But Mom" 

Robin chuckled. "Okay, okay. Come on, let's go" 

\- -

After another hour of awkward staring and little conversations, Bill had suggested that they go out. Most of the group had never been to L.A before and the few that have had only been there once or twice, strictly for business. 

"Statistically speaking something could go wrong while we're walking around. Someone could be smoking and then we inhale it and get third hand smoking and if our immune systems are weak that's going to make us prone to more illnesses that could be fatal-" Eddie rambled on and on about why they shouldn't go outside. 

Stanley rolled his eyes. "Geez, how did you even get out of the house when you lived in New York? "

Eddie huffed, crossing his arms but at least he was quiet now.

"Well, what do you think m'lady? Shall we venture out into the great unknown?" Richie asked as he did one of his better impressions of an English Man. 

Robin chuckled and cleared her throat before replying in a slightly higher, dainty, voice. "Ah yes, what a great Adventure we have ahead of us. Perhaps a pub will serve such entertainment for our guests?" 

"Well, it looks like there's two of them" Mike laughed. 

"The b-bar sounds like a great idea. It w-w-would give us a chance to loosen up". 

"Well then what are we waiting for? Pip pip and tally ho my good fellows!" Richie exclaimed before opening the front door and running outside. 

"I guess some things never change" Stanley gave an irritated sigh before walking, alongside Patty, out the door.

Mike followed, talking with Bill and Eddie about his trip to Florida. 

"You know the architecture here in L.A is said to be really nice" Ben commented from the back of the group.

Bev grinned "Is architecture all you ever think about?"

"No. Even if it was that wouldn't be a bad thing. It's nice to stop and enjoy the beauty of our creations" 

Richie giggled from the front of the group. "Exactly. Just like how I enjoy the beauty of Eddie's Mom" 

"Jesus- you have a girlfriend, you can't say shit like that anymore, jackass" Eddie scolded 

"I don't have a-" 

Robin jabbed Richie in the side with her elbow, shooting him a look that told him to shut it before he blew their cover. 

Richie gave her a look that was a mix between thankful and angry but continued as if nothing happened. "Robin doesn't mind, she knows she's the only girl for me" 

"Awwww, well I think it's sweet. Such a lovely couple. I can't wait to watch you two get married" Patty sighed, holding onto Stanley's arm as they walked.

"We'll make sure to personally invite you to the wedding" Robin smiled as she slowed down to walk alongside Patty. 

\- - -

"-and then there was the t-time when Richie tried to s-steal an instrument from one of the p-players during the parade!" Bill laughed as he downed another shot. 

The group all erupted in laughter, Ben spilling his drink over the table which caused an outrage of giggles and yelling. 

“Be careful, Haystack! You’re gonna knock a candle over or somethin and then the whole place will go whoosh! Burned to ash!” Richie giggled, his words coming out a little slurred since he had one too many drinks. He looked over at Robin, watching her stare at some girl over at the bar. “You should go flirt with her~” Richie cooed as he gave Robin a suggestive wink.

Robin rolled her eyes as she looked warningly at Richie. “I can’t do that-” she hissed through gritted teeth as she looked from Richie’s friends to the drunk man that was her “boyfriend”. 

“Why not? You obviously got the hots for her so go get her, tiger” He said, baring his teeth and growling before laughing.

“Because we’re supposed to be a couple, remember? I can’t just openly flirt with girls when your friends are here”

“Pfft, these guys? They’re all too drunk, I can guarantee they won’t remember a thing in the morning” 

Robin crossed her arms as she raised a brow at him “Well, if you’re so confident then why don’t you flirt with someone? I’m sure there are lots of handsome guys at the bar just dying to interact with you” 

“Wha- Hey! You know I can’t do that” Richie babbled sheepishly as he tried to distract himself by taking a sip from his drink. 

“No, I know. It’s painfully obvious how whipped you are for this man” 

“Shh! Not too loud!” Richie hissed as he tried to shush Robin

Now it was Robin's turn to smirk at him. “Oh yeah? What happened to your friends being too drunk to remember anything in the morning? Besides, he’s not even at the table, it’s not like he could hear you anyway”

“Touche, boy wonder. You win” He said as he threw his arm around her. “This is all so complicated. I wish we could just flirt with the people we want to”

“Geez, I forgot how emotional you get when you’re drunk” She teased but her expression softened when she saw how genuinely sad Richie was. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Who’s to say we can’t do that? I mean times are different and-”

“You know why we can’t. Times may seem different but how do we know they really are?” Richie shook his head as he looked down, his eyes a little glassy either from tears or from the alcohol. “I can’t risk losing my friends...I can’t risk losing him. I’d rather pretend i’m something i’m not then loose my family” 

“Well we can’t do this forever, Rich. We can’t just keep up the charade until the day we die. What kind of life is that?”

Richie didn’t answer, he just rested his head on the table with his arms covering his face. 

Robin sighed, weighed her chances before standing up which immediately drew the attention of a sullen Richie. 

“What are you doing?” He asked

“I’m going to talk to the girl at the bar, i’ll show you that things are different now” 

Richie gaped at her and blinked a few times before his brain seemed to process what she had just said. “Are you crazy??? You can’t do that! What if you get beat up or thrown into a river-”

“Richie, babe, calm down. I’m a big girl, I know what i’m doing” She smiled at him, trying to be reassuring. “Now tell me how I look?”

“I- I mean, you look fine but that’s not the point, what if-”

“Oh my god, you sound like Wheezy right now. Just calm down, i’ll be okay.” Robin walked away before Richie could say anything else, heading straight to the bar where she saw the pretty girl. 

She had been so confident when she was thinking about it, even had plans to sweep the girl right off her feet but when the pretty girl with the even prettier eyes turned to face her it was like Robin forgot how to form words. She just stared dopely at her and smiled. In fact she was so caught up in her trance that she hadn’t even noticed that the girl was saying something to her. 

Robin shook her head in an attempt to regain her composure. “I-i’m sorry. Could you repeat that?”

The girl giggled, a sound that Robin found she wanted to hear over and over again. “I said Hi”

“Oh- Uhm- Hi. How you doin?” Robin replied 

“Did you just use a Joey Tribbiani pick up line on me?”

“Yeah, i’m sorry. Maybe I was too forward. I just panicked and-”

“I love friends. No one has actually used that line on me but I think it’s cute. I’m doing great now that you’re here.”

Robin felt her heart flutter and her cheeks probably looked like tomatoes. Did this pretty girl really just flirt with her? She couldn’t think of anything else to say so she just blurted the first thing that came to her head. “Do you listen to girl in red?”

Again the pretty girl giggled and nodded. “If you’re asking if I like girls then the answer is yes.” 

Just like a damn had been broken, Robin let everything she was thinking spill out. “Oh my gosh you’re so pretty and i’ve been staring at you all night- not in a creepy way! Well I guess it’s creepy to stare at someone but I’m not gonna kill you I swear-”

“Woah, calm down, cow girl. You’re gonna run out of air” The girl teased

Robin smiled and nodded sheepishly. “What I meant to ask was if you wanted my number? You know, maybe go out for a couple of drinks sometime.”

The pretty girl nodded and smiled “Of course. My name is Evelyn by the way.” 

“Evelyn, well a pretty name for a pretty girl.” 

Evelyn blushed which made Robin’s stomach fill with butterflies. She was totally whipped for this girl.

“Oh- I’m Robin”

“Robin, like Batman’s sidekick?”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“Well, Robin, I’ll see you around. I can’t wait to hang out with you sometime” 

“You too,” Robin replied. She thought to herself for a moment and silently cursed her mind before grabbing Evelyn’s hand and giving it a little kiss. “Until next time” she replied and walked back to her table before she could hear Evelyn’s reaction. 

When she returned to the table she saw Richie staring at her like she had just done the impossible. “Did you just-”

“Shut up” 

\- -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is finally up! This story hasn't been updated in a while. Well I'm hoping to do weekly updates since there's a few more chapters to go. Everything seems boring and down to earth now but if you stay for the ride then you'll see that everything is not as it seems.


End file.
